I hate networking

I really hate networking.

And I’m not even an introvert, really.

It’s more that traditional networking feels transactional and awkward. The small talk, the business card exchanges, the pleasantries – right?!

It’s really hard not to experience networking as fake and disingenuous.

Network…for what??

Here’s the thing: if you want any kind of successful career, you have to be able to build and grow a network.

As a young lawyer, I was lucky enough to have a great principal who always encouraged (and pushed) me to grow my network.

I always grok’d why.

When you’re trying to grow your black book of business, a functional and fruitful network is a bare necessity. Even now, as a scale-up operator, when helping build something, leading a team and trying to make an impact, connections matter.

But it never stopped giving me the ick. And it’s not something that’s felt natural, nor something I’ve felt particularly good at.

And it still doesn’t.

Nope, can’t do it

In the same way that my ex-boss encouraged me, I thought I should do the same with a young, talented lawyer in my team.

(because, the circle of life, you know)

So, at the beginning of the year we set an internal team objective to find and attend at least 1 networking event per quarter.

At least 50% of this effort was motivated at pushing my colleague to network more, and 100% of it was to hold myself accountable to getting out from behind my keyboard more (just don’t hold me accountable to my maths, ok).

We put the objective on our planning board, discussed it in daily stand-ups and planning meetings, and…always failed to follow through. Every time the topic came up, we’d nod, agree it was important, and then immediately do something else.

Networking Helping

Then, we decided to reframe the goal.

Instead of “attend a networking event” we decided to “help one person per quarter.”

That’s it.

Just help someone.

Suddenly, it felt less icky and more authentic. And, ironically, more achievable.

In fact, we very quickly realised that we had already done just that earlier in the week by helping an AI startup validate the legal tech problem they are hoping to solve.

Now helping 1 person per quarter feels limiting – like just one??

The science of networking helping

A long, long time ago, I read a book called Superconnector by Scott Gerber and Ryan Paugh (in fact, gifted to me by Bowmans when I became an associate).

They argue that traditional networking is outdated and advocate for building genuine, meaningful relationships by being generous and adding value to others’ lives.

I see now that I’d been thinking about networking wrong all this time, and that every valuable relationship in my network has come about because either I’ve helped them or they’ve helped me – or both.

Conferences and industry events are fun, and a great place to meet new people, but they’re also only good for creating surface-level relationships.

A deeper connection is needed to give someone value.

Apart from just doing good, by helping others, we open ourselves up to unexpected connections and opportunities.

We create entropy for serendipity, if you will.

And sometimes a lucky accident like helping the right person is all you need to be the first person they think of when they want to do business or hire.

Alright, networking bad, helping good. Got it.

Like with my colleague, 50% of my motivation for this post is to share these learnings but 100% to hold myself accountable.

I’d wager, for many who read this post, reframing networking as helping will be obvious. Possibly old hat.

But for anyone else, I hope it helps make networking feel less awkward and daunting.

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PS: If you would like to chat, or need help – let’s connect on LinkedIn 🙂